Ways to combat casual transphobia and cissexism:
- Do not gender strangers. Refer to people you do not know with gender neutral pronouns so as to avoid furthering the idea that appearance = gender.
- Ask people what their preferred pronouns are when you first meet them.
- Shut down people who say that genitals = gender.
- Shut down people who use the phrases “two genders” or “opposite gender.”
- Also shut down people who use the phrases “two sexes” or “opposite sex” to help our intersex siblings.
- Avoid using phrases like “manboobs,” “mangina,” and “girl/woman boner.”
- Discourage misgendering as a form of mocking or insult. Also discourage the usage of phrases like “you look like a boy/girl.”
- Encourage others to also do these things.
note on gendering strangers: the ONLY gender-neutral pronouns you can use for someone you don’t know are they/them. Ze/zir/etc pronouns are exclusively nonbinary and referring to a stranger with them is still misgendering!
Up until my second year of high school,
I allowed myself to believe that I wasn’t like other girls
as if there was something fundamentally wrong with other girls
that I had to disinherit.
I used ‘girly girl’ as an insult
like the carefully applied foundation, the long-learned eyeliner
the too-bright lipstick they nearly missed their bus to put on
made them less.
Unlearning was a slow process that I’m still slogging through.
I catch myself raising my eyebrows at a girl on the other side of the room
and have to make myself remember it doesn’t mean shit.
Femininity is not a synonym with stupid or frivolous or weak;
I’ve seen girls who can shiv with a high-heel and look great doing it
or they can sweat and grunt and spit and not give a damn either way.
Your worth is not a win-or-lose depending on if your skirt goes below your knees.
Whether makeup or a bare face or fake eyelashes so heavy you have to squint
a long dress or inch-long skirt or jeans that rip at the knee or shorts that flash your underwear
dreadlocks or metal ear-stretchers or leggings without pants or bedazzled neon nails
bikini or burqa or hair shaved in strips or long plaid shirts
a hoodie that needed washing three weeks ago or dangling earrings or worn out sneakers
a scarf to hide your adam’s apple or sunglasses that cover half your face
braces or glasses or pigtails or a jagged pink mohawk or eighteen clearly visible tattoos-
Wear it as battle armour.”
No More LGBT Litmus Tests
For a lot of young people, the question of which label to put on their feelings is nothing short of an all-consuming, obsessive anxiety. The closet door won’t budge, they figure, until they slide the right linguistic key into the lock. There is overwhelming pressure, both within the queer community and outside of it, to find the right label, and to use that label forever.
I’m going to make a suggestion. It might be controversial.
This is all pure, unadulterated bullshit.
(Source: lalondes, via getyourassbeat)
“These days, before we talk about misogyny, women are increasingly being asked to modify our language so we don’t hurt men’s feelings. Don’t say, “Men oppress women” – that’s sexism, as bad as any sexism women ever have to handle, possibly worse. Instead, say, “Some men oppress women.” Whatever you do, don’t generalise. That’s something men do. Not all men – just some men.
This type of semantic squabbling is a very effective way of getting women to shut up. After all, most of us grew up learning that being a good girl was all about putting other people’s feelings ahead of our own. We aren’t supposed to say what we think if there’s a chance it might upset somebody else or, worse, make them angry. So we stifle our speech with apologies, caveats and soothing sounds. We reassure our friends and loved ones that “you’re not one of those men who hate women”.
What we don’t say is: of course not all men hate women. But culture hates women, so men who grow up in a sexist culture have a tendency to do and say sexist things, often without meaning to. We aren’t judging you for who you are but that doesn’t mean we’re not asking you to change your behaviour. What you feel about women in your heart is of less immediate importance than how you treat them on a daily basis.
You can be the gentlest, sweetest man in the world yet still benefit from sexism. That’s how oppression works.”
an asexual person can:
- have sex
- want to have sex
- not have sex
- not want to have sex
just like any other person
As a person who is not asexual, I am a bit confused, and would like some guidance. I am told that asexuality is the lack of sexual desire, or a lack of sexual attraction to others.
Wouldn’t an asexual that has any desires to have sex be considered a grey-asexual?
not necessarily! there is a difference between desire and attraction
asexuality is typically defined as not experiencing sexual attraction
it doesn’t mean you can’t have sex or can’t want to have sex. many aces experience secondary sexual desire (i.e. sexual activity for reasons other than personal pleasure, such as for the pleasure of a partner) to the point that it’s a commonality- it’s even in the definition if you look into it on AVEN
some asexuals even experience the primary desire (i.e. to have sex for pleasure) bcuz it feels good although they have no sexual attraction, and these aces can define themselves as ace or as gray-a if they want
here’s a quick wiki model from AVEN on the difference between sexual attraction, desire, and how it correlates with sexuality